


Clarity

by TandemThoughts (SilentEpiphany)



Category: Free!
Genre: Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Lime, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 04:53:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2096484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentEpiphany/pseuds/TandemThoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto's smile has always done well to make him appear calm and collected, but this time Haru knows better. Set after episode 6 of the first season. MakoHaru; hurt/comfort-ish; lime (semi-explicit sexual interaction). Rated P for panic attacks and woobie whales.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clarity

**Author's Note:**

> Written January 2014 and posted for the inaugural Free! Shipping Relay on Tumblr. Prompt was "doing for yourself instead of others".

The ocean. It seemed to represent something different for everyone. For Makoto Tachibana, it stood for strength and volatility. For sheer _power_.

...And pure panic.

Their trip to the island had brought back age old demons that he’d fought to keep under control; thoughts and fears that hadn’t tormented him since boyhood. He thought he’d buried them there, out at sea. But when the ocean bared its fangs again, the floodgates had opened and everything had come surging back, crashing upon him like a tidal wave. Even the nightmares returned -- ones that woke him in a cold sweat, and made him fear falling asleep.

In the days of practice after their return, he struggled. In the past, he’d always been among the first to arrive and last to leave; now the case was exactly the exact opposite. He’d pace around the pool deck restlessly, talking to Gou and the others about this or that for at least a half hour before finally diving in. With every lap he seemed to touch the wall breathlessly, panting and gasping for air as though he desperately needed it. Except, he wasn’t out of shape -- none of them were.

He must have thought he hid it well. In the eyes of most of his teammates, he probably did. Only one of them knew better.

From the neighboring lane, Haru watched as Mako pulled his long body up on the pool deck. A head of black hair bobbed just above the water’s surface, blue eyes keenly and quietly observing, as usual.

“That’s enough for me today,” the taller swimmer remarked, smiling that same smile. The one that raised his ever-upturned brows, crinkled his green eyes closed, and appeared warm and well-adjusted.

The one Haru knew was completely false.

Even so, he said nothing in reply, pushing off the wall and back out into his lane as Mako faded from sight.

The water in the locker room showers was turned up hotter than normal. It made Mako’s skin a little pink with contact, but he didn’t care. Underneath the excessively warm spray, he heaved a deep sigh. Everything would be okay if he could get this contemptible shaking to stop. He’d worked to still his uneven breathing and steady the thudding of a harried heart rate.

Still, he couldn’t stop trembling.

He balled his fists against it, frustrated at his own lack of self-control. Eyes downcast, he watched water pool around his feet and circle the drain.

“Makoto.”

Haru’s voice was flat and severe. Mako didn’t hear it nearly as much and as well as he felt that endless blue gaze fixed upon him, spearing him where he stood. Though he knew what would come of it, he still met that stare head-on.

Sometimes he hated the way those eyes had always been able to read him like a book. Even though he trusted Haru in every way he knew possible, the very fact he had such an ability made Makoto intensely uneasy.

He could deceive the others, but not him. Haru _knew._

He’d worn the façade for years; had it nearly down to an art. But the only one he couldn’t deceive just so happened to be the one he most wanted to -- the person standing just out of arm’s length away, with that sapphire stare that somehow made the water feel cold. A gaze of deep, endless blue. Blue like the ocean, with all the strength and power to rip loved ones from the world of the living without a moment’s notice. The ocean that had tried to swallow him alive, sweep him away into its silent, freezing depths.

Suddenly the air around him was too dense, too heavy, too _wet_ for him to breathe. His heart raced under his skin, filling his ears with the sound of its panicked frenzy. His hands shook all the more noticeably, stomach knotting, twisting sickeningly in his midsection and if he didn’t stop it soon, he’d be ill.

“Makoto!” Haru placed a hand on his shoulder, gripping it tightly, as if doing so would steady his trembling. Makoto didn’t seem to hear him -- green eyes wide, yet despondent; looking, but not seeing. _“Makoto!”_

When he was finally backed against the cool shower wall, the taller swimmer reflexively took in a deep, gasping breath. Naturally, words of reassurance were the first from his mouth.

“I’m fine,” he refuted, acting on pure instinct alone.

“No,” Haru countered, “you’re not.”

Before he could breathe a word further, Haruka’s hand tightened on his shoulder, feeling those tremors. Calling him out. Proving him wrong.

“I’ll be okay,” Mako averted, changing his tactic.

Haru let out an exasperated sigh. Makoto spent inordinate amounts of time caring after his friends and hardly any looking after his own well-being. Haruka had always known this to be his very nature. Even if he sometimes hated it, a part of him wouldn’t change it -- though he’d never admit to either. Releasing his hold, he turned on a heel and went to leave. The damp slap of his feet against the floor was the only sound, until he paused.

“...Take tomorrow off,” he muttered over his shoulder. “Don’t come to practice tomorrow.”

Makoto was gape-mouthed and stunned. He took a step forward. “But, Prefecturals--!”

“Don’t worry about them,” his teammate interjected. “Spend less time worrying about others, and do something for _yourself_ for once.”

With that, he was gone.

...

The sunset of the following day seemed so strange peeking through Makoto’s bedroom window, making him feel entirely out of place. Typically he didn’t get home until right around dusk, so being in his own home while the sun was still out felt foreign. He wasn’t used to an empty house; the silence of it all made him feel rather lonely.

He couldn’t believe he’d let Haru put him under house arrest, but that was essentially what he’d done. He supposed his soft-spoken teammate did have a point, though -- some part of him was grateful for the reprieve, even if he didn’t know what exactly to do with it. As he sat cross-legged on his bed, a video game chattered away idly in the background, but he had no interest in it. Instead, he stared out his bedroom window, wondering how the rest of his team was doing without him.

The sound of steps coming up the stairs called his attention to his own open bedroom door. Words of greeting to his parents or siblings had been on the tip of his tongue, only to be swallowed back when someone much different made entry.

“Haru!” The taller swimmer couldn’t have been any more pleasantly surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Checking on you,” Haru’s hushed voice replied as he shut the door behind him and set down his bag, back turned. He wasn’t about to admit the hidden truth that swim practice simply wasn’t the same without Makoto there. “Are you feeling any better?” He asked over his shoulder. A blue eye stared at the taller swimmer rather expectantly from its corner.

After a moment, Mako nodded.

“Good.”

That was the extent of their conversation, as Haru took a seat on the bed next to him, folded his legs and picked up a controller, prompting Makoto to do the same. He didn’t recall Haru ever being a big fan of the game they played, but he supposed that willingness made about as much sense as the fact that his water-loving friend was there with him in the first place, and completely dry. Obviously he had skipped practice as well. The difference between the two of them was that doing so was far more of a punishment to the freestyle swimmer than to anyone else. The concept of why he’d subject himself to that was a topic Mako’s mind couldn’t let go of. Even as the game between the two of them ran on, he was too lost in thought to focus.

Haru had told him to spend more time worrying about his own personal welfare and do things for himself, but in his mind, he was doing just that. Yes, the water could be frightening for him, but having Haru there somehow made it okay. Not just that -- he made it _worth it_. His presence had a way of breaking through, pushing past all the demons and the darkness he battled to keep at bay. In the stormiest of seas, he was Mako’s anchor; in times of panic, he was peace; in insanity, he was reason. Makoto had never known a single person who contrasted him so sharply, and yet so perfectly. He’d never loved -- nor _needed_ \-- anyone more than Haru.

He set the controller down, shoulders slumping somewhat as he exhaled a long breath.

“I meant what I said, back there on the island. I swim because...” he trailed off for a moment, almost losing his nerve when something in his chest twinged strangely, “...because I want us to be together. I need you in my life, Haru.”

Haruka’s eyes snapped over, widened in shock. But something in them had fallen away, hadn’t it? Makoto had never seen them look as vulnerable as they did then -- less the forceful wall they had been before, and more calm, deep pools that seemed to invite him in. At once, he found himself short of air again, trapped somewhere between fear and enticement. Haru’s gaze never wavered, even as the two of them grew close enough to share the same breath. Mako swallowed hard, and surrendered to his heart’s desire... and closed the distance between them with a kiss.

Haru seemed stunned, unresponsive for a long enough time to make Mako think he’d done the wrong thing. Perhaps he’d seen what he wanted to see in those eyes, and not what actually was within them. He drew back, turning away to hide cheeks that were unnecessarily warm.

A moment later he found himself abruptly pinned to his own bed, staring up at that same face as it hovered over him. Strands of Haru’s perfect black hair tickled along his forehead and cheeks. “Haru...?” Mako breathed, voice a muddy mixture of confusion, nervousness, and anticipation.

Haru’s lips eagerly met his own with all the quiet power and volatility of the ocean, stealing his breath, sweeping all his doubts away, the way he’d always imagined they would. In their place was electricity and heat, swirling in his abdomen and spreading out to his groin. A hand crept down, sneaking under the waistband of his bottoms, and Makoto shifted to oblige it. He was helpless to really do otherwise with Haru’s lips against the tender flesh of his neck, surely able to feel the rising pulse beneath. Fingers probed downward, seeking out a length that hardened anxiously with Haru’s touch.

That was all the reassurance the smaller swimmer needed to act. He pushed Mako’s bottoms down, fully freeing that erection. A hand coiled around it, palm roughly coursing over taut, satiny skin in a steady rhythm of strokes. Mako gasped, biting his lower lip to keep quiet. The breath of the other echoed faintly in his ear as lips, tongue and teeth worked at a nearby earlobe, sending a shiver racing up the taller teen’s back.

 _“Haru....”_ No matter how long they’d known each other, Haruka had never heard Makoto’s voice sound like _that_ before -- breathy, desperate, pleading just as noticeably as the hips arching against his working hand. He drew away, half-lidded and hazy eyes of emerald green watching as he inched down on the bed, settling between long legs. Mako could feel Haru’s breath on his cock, thrilling at that simple sensation alone before it was replaced by a warm, wet mouth. Mako’s head flung back, crushing the mattress beneath it as a soft moan escaped between parted lips. As Haru’s tongue deftly swirled over the tip of his length, flicking into the slit at its apex, it took all the taller swimmer had to keep his hips still. Electricity surged through him, curling his toes, wrenching his eyes closed, amplifying his pulse.

Haru could nearly feel that same energy, repeating his actions time and time again when Mako’s cock pulsed in reply in his mouth. To one side, he could faintly hear the sounds of fingernails scratching as his teammate clawed at the bed, desperate for something to hang onto but clearly still holding back. Typical Makoto. Haruka sought out that hand, placing it on his head. Fingers immediately twined in silken dark strands, curling, but not pulling -- _pushing_. The shorter swimmer obliged, hungrily taking in every inch that he could, (and a couple he hadn’t thought he’d be able to), relishing in mewls of pleasure Mako released. Greedy for more, his long body arched up off of the bed, muscles tense and twitching.

Haru’s fingers tightened around the base of that aching length, restarting a slow and steady rhythm of strokes as it worked in tandem with lips and tongue… and Mako’s self-control finally broke. All he could hear was the thrumming of his pulse in his ears, skipping faster, out of time. Breaths turned to short, uneven panting and desperate moans. He was spinning, sinking, _drowning_ in something he had no desire to be pulled from. A fine sheen of sweat gathered on his body, which writhed and burned and trembled outside of his control until finally he spilled over, pouring himself into Haru’s mouth. His vision a sea of a thousand stars, pleasure washed over him in waves that radiated out to his fingers and toes, making them tingle with a sensation like numbness.

It took some time for him to surface again, to steady his breathing and at least somewhat quell the residual twitching throughout his form. When he did, those same endless blue eyes were still there, waiting for him just the way Haru always had. Mako cupped his teammate’s cheek in a shaky palm, offering a weak, tired smile echoed ten-fold in jade eyes.

“So much for doing things for yourself,” he quietly joked, still breathless.

Haru blinked, and Mako could’ve sworn he saw a flash of teeth in the smile his friend wore. “I did.”


End file.
